Peter Shelton

Promises, Promises

Posted in Watch columns by pshelton on December 30, 2010

I resolve that in 2011 I will not yell at deer. (more…)

Message from a Secure Location

Posted in Watch columns by pshelton on March 30, 2010

Greetings. Captain Jobaphat here. I want to let you know that despite the round-up of our brethren in Michigan by the foot soldiers of the Antichrist, ie. the Federal Government, all is well and growing in readiness here at our secret location in Montrose County.

In case you didn’t hear, the Hutaree militia, led by Captain Hutaree, a.k.a. David Brian Stone, Sr., and three of his devoted children, one of whom, the daughter I think, is not a skinhead, were ripped from their freedom-loving beds yesterday morning and charged with sedition—whatever that is—and weapons possession, which, last time I looked, commie godless Federal Buttwipes of Insurrection!, was an American Right—no, a duty—preordained by the Second Amendment. And Jesus Christ. (more…)

Comedy and its opposite

Posted in Watch columns by pshelton on November 19, 2009

I want to see Sarah Palin as pure comedy. As nothing more than a laughable creation of our celebrity culture. (more…)

Worst Ideas of the Week

Posted in Ski evolution, Watch columns by pshelton on October 28, 2009

1. Get yourself a TV show, or at least get yourself famous, by pretending to—oops OMG, help! help!—accidentally send your six-year-old aloft in a homemade Jiffy-pop balloon.

2. Get Sarah Palin and Fred Thompson to endorse your candidacy for political office.

3. Actually seriously try to follow the tongue-in-cheek directions in Skiing magazine this month on how to make an emergency (tobacco) pipe out of a snowball.

Speaking of smoking, (more…)